The LousySpouse Field Guide to Lousys

We have found in our research that many of these Lousy species have been cross-breeding for generations and many present more than one defining characteristic. A LousySpouse can be a man or a woman, young or old. Have you identified other varieties of Lousys not NOT ALL LOUSYS ARE SO OBVIOUSincluded in our list? Be sure to let us know of your discoveries!!

The Lousy Loafer

This lousy has no motivation and is often accompanied by a lack of confidence. Life is easier for them if those around them do all the work. These Lousys are often a product of overindulgent parents and never learn the meaning or value of tenacity or ambition. They can’t seem to hold a job, are generally irresponsible, and are not consistently useful around the house. Generally, a prima-donna. The Lousy Loafer often conceals their uselessness by inflating the importance and effort of performing menial tasks and managing basic adult responsibilities.

The Lousy Golddigger

A close cousin to the Lousy Loafer is the Golddigger. This is often a spouse that is generally useless, or works only to appear to be making an effort. This Lousy is only looking for a free ride and is marked by their deficient levels of scruples. These Lousys are always quick on the draw in courtship, far too eager to be hitched. They will have no problem spending what they can get thier hands on and always want more.

The Lousy Thief

This Lousy can be all of the above, but will take what belongs to others, especially money with little apology if any. A Lousy Thief is often not so sneaky, but borrows from others and rarely, if ever, returns anything. This Lousy can often be rather pitiful in neediness or boastful or arrogant of unrealized potential. The Lousy Thief is often a Lousy Gambler as well.

THE NARCISSIST KNOWS YOU CAN'T GET ENOUGH.The Lousy Narcissist

This Lousy loves admiring their reflections at every opportunity and makes sure that charm is evident at every encounter to ensure the love keeps on coming. The Lousy Narcissist will spend money on their wardrobe and grooming before buying groceries for the family. The Lousy Narcissist remains oblivious to the needs of others and if needs are expressed to Lousy, Lousy will be quick to insist that their own needs are more pressing.

The Lousy Cheat

This one is shifty and sneaky and eager to make those who rely on and trust Lousy to feel guilty or inadequate. Lousy has so many secrets that their own subconscious feelings of guilt are often projected on friends and family. This flavor of Lousy is marked by clandestine phone calls, unexplained absences, an increased desire for privacy especially when using the internet, or obsessive checking of voice mail. This Lousy dials the phone when walking out the door, and rarely has time to talk to their spouse when away. Unpredictable and compulsively late, consistently blaming absences on external forces: traffic, flight delay, long meetings... this Lousy is often distracted by the pursuit of the latest victim. These Lousys are often complemented and empowered by their willing victims, also known as "Adulterers".

The Lousy Drunk

This one seems to be fine, but when they get up and begin to walk, you realize that they can hardly stand. The Lousy Drunk will usually pick a fight about something that makes no sense, fall asleep early, and misplace key apparel items such as shoes. Can’t always “perform” at work, and elsewhere but has plenty of excuses and blame for others. This Lousy needs professional help before you get sucked down that big swirling drain with them.

The Lousy Lover

This Lousy is unskilled or lazy and unreceptive to feedback. It is all about them, and they “know what they are doing.” You are left feeling alone, unfulfilled and bored after a tussle with a lousy lover. You know it pretty soon when you get stuck with one, but what makes it worse is that they think they're hot shit.

The Lousy Crybaby

SUCK IT UP, CRYBABY!

Men of this variety are also known as the "Momma's Boy" and women, the "Drama Queen." This is the manipulator, the drama hound, the victim. These Lousys are just downright annoying. They pout when they don't get their way, they are often and easily wounded, and if you have the audacity to tell them "No", then you are just plain mean! They manipulate others with passive aggressive guilt trips and/or sob stories. Watch what you say to this Lousy because the crybaby brand not only wounds easily, but may be taping your conversations for later use. Not that anyone cares...

The Lousy Deserter

This piece of work is a Quitter. Quitters never win - so this is a loser Lousy. When the going gets rough, this lousy will leave, usually without any notice and leave those left behind high and dry. They all make excuses - usually selfish ones and expect everyone to just accept this betrayal as a perfectly normal reaction to their unhappiness or dissatisfation. Whether leaving a spouse, or a spouse and kids, this is a Lousy that will never regain honor with friends or family. Unfortunately these Lousys are quite common and can be found under rocks in every corner of the globe.

The Lousy Liar

The last on our list is often tangled in the proverbial web. The Lousy Liar is lying about some aspect of their lives that may include any of the other characteristics: Cheating, Loafing, Thieving… it all stinks, and they know it. A Lousy Liar cannot be honest about their lives because once they start digging that hole they can’t get out. They all get caught eventually, so take careful notes... judges have little patience for these Lousys.

The Lousy Bully

IT'S NEVER BEEN CUTEThis LousySpouse gets their way by intimidation with threats and insults. As in children, these Lousys use bullying to disguise their own insecurities which are generally evident by the shortcomings they project on their subjects.  This kind of Lousy is not only a lousy spouse, but generally a lousy parent… steer clear.

A bully that gets physical for any reason belongs behind bars, if even just for a night to cool off. Do not hesitate to call the cops when warranted or just get away.