Private Investigators

“…Discover the truth of today, and perhaps find the greatness of tomorrow.”              — Jackie Robinson            

See our interview with a PI below, she has some great advice.

It is hard to fathom that Lousy has put you in the position to have to consider the employ of a private investigator (PI). If you want to be absolutely sure about your situation, in some cases we would suggest hiring one. Please try to get a referral from an attorney’s office. The Internet is rife with shady investigators, so try to get someone that works with some of the attorneys that you are familiar with. In many states a PI must be insured and licensed with the State Department of Criminal Justice Services. In any case, be wary... from our experience, many of these folks are giving lawyers referral fees and kick-backs. They could easily be double teaming you, and you are so emotionally vulnerable right now that you are ripe for attack.

The PI will tell you the specifics of how they work. Typically, they will require a retainer, like the attorney, and bill at an hourly rate. They can use GPS, surveillance, and can simply follow Lousy to see what he or she is up to. Trust us, you may “know” that Lousy is having an affair…. but there is really nothing quite like seeing a picture. It will ease your mind to see, no matter how difficult it is to watch.

Frankly, from our experience, it has little effect with the attorneys, but still it is worth pursuing if simply to confirm your hunch.

Here are some tell-tale signs of a cheating Lousy Spouse:

1.  Lack of Sex drive or interest
2.  Consistently late with a confusing and vague excuse
3.  Tries to be a little more helpful after an extended absence, Ellen's Lousy Spouse would even pop in a load of laundry after one of his "trips." She did not put 2 and 2 together until later...
4.  Secretive about voicemails, e-mails, Blackberry messages. Does not take personal calls in your presence.
5.  Takes all the bills so you don’t see them. May say they are “paying them at work.”
6.  Starts a new workout program, gets a new haircut, increased interest in grooming and fashion.
7.  Fishy behavior on the internet, suspicious texting, and/or hushed phone calls. When Ellen questioned her Lousy about his busy texting on a Sunday, he informed her that "Sunday is not a holiday in Muslim countries" implying that he was sending work messages. Lousys can be quite clever.
8.  Not coming home at night, with a vague reason as to why – slept at work, at a friends house, or one of our favorites: “food poisoning.”
9.  Sudden angry behavior, blaming you for things that you had nothing to do with, making you feel guilty.
10. Disrespectful to you, derogatory and critical about your appearance, clothes, etc. Trying to make you feel lousy about yourself.
11. Abandoning family responsibilities such as children’s events, house repairs.
12. General, all-around lousy-ness. See our quiz linked on our Home page. 

Information and Advice from a PI

The following is a remote interview between Jane and "Sherlocks," the lady P.I.

How long have you been a Private Investigator?
Almost 25 years!

How did you get into the business?
My husband, at the time, had started doing process service for some attorneys in our town. After getting to know him they started asking him to do more interesting things like, taking photos of accident scenes, getting records from the court house, etc. He saw that with training and getting his license, this would be a good business. Then there were many situations that could be handled better by a woman, so I decided to get my license also.

What kind of people make good PIs?
The best PI's, I have found from experience, like and enjoy being around people. Most of the work that is done by PI's is NOT exciting! A good PI must be able to instill confidence in the people that they want to interview. They must be able to chat but know when to listen. The PI needs to collect facts, so they must like to do paperwork and keep good records. Perseverance is a must!

PI's do many types of cases from divorce to insurance fraud, accident cases and background work for criminal defense cases. They must also be able to blend into the environment where they are working and dress accordingly. Appearing professional is very important when dealing with clients and attorneys. The PI often must go to court as a witness so must appear and be credible. They must be self starters and be willing to work when others may be playing or sleeping.

I have not set out a glamorous description of a PI. It's NOT like the stories on TV, (thank God) but is a great, rewarding and necessary business. I love it!

Do all states require a license to practice Private Investigation?
Not every state requires a license, but more and more are changing the laws to require a license and I think this is necessary. Some states require that you have worked in military police, law enforcement or under a licensed PI for more than 2 years before you can go off on your own.

Are there jobs types that you would not accept?
I accepted jobs on a case by case basis. I did not accept domestic cases if I did not believe my client. You have to work together and trust each other. We wouldn't touch a case that had, even an appearance of being illegal.

What percentage of your assignments are to check up on spouses?
Domestic cases made up about 50% of our work. You need to be diversified to stay sharp and in business. It takes it all.

How many of those are actually cheating or not?
I have found that when a spouse seeks out a PI, they already know or have some extremely strong indications that their spouse is cheating. They are coming to us to verify what they 'think'. So, usually the lousy spouse is cheating.

Also...you should NOT do your own investigation with your best friend! Usually you will get caught, and the information you gather may not stand up in court. After a 'cheating' spouse knows that you are on to him or her, it is much harder and takes longer for the licensed PI to get the needed information. This means it will cost you more!

Have you ever been shocked/horrified by what you've learned about someone? Do tell!
Wish I could tell you! Leave it to say that government lousy spouses make the silliest, stupidest mistakes, thinking they will never be caught!

What about a happy surprise?
I wish I could say yes, but not exactly. There was one woman we followed for a long time, with no results. She wasn't being lousy at all. Eventually, we figured out her husband was paranoid, and really just needed a friend.

If I was going to hire a PI to check up on a lousy spouse, what should I look for or look out for?
Interview several PI's. Ask your attorney, if you have one, for several names. Use your instincts. Ask yourself ...'Would I want to work with this person until I get the information I need'?  Ask if they have a license. Ask for references, including attorneys they have worked for, and check them. (You don't want a PI that is currently working with an attorney that your husband has hired). What does their office look like? It doesn't matter if it is small, but does it look neat, professional? Does he or she look professional? How long did it take for them to get back to you if you had to leave a message?

How do most PIs charge for their services?
It varies so much but usually there is a rate that is standard for your area. You will have to provide an advance and usually there is an hourly fee. Do not tell the PI how much you have to spend. Ask THEM how long they think this case will take with the info you have provided. (They can only give you an idea and you can't hold them to it!) If it requires them going out of town, there may be a daily rate.

Is there information that you are not allowed to divulge to a client about another person? ie: can you tell the client the name, address and phone number of a homewrecker that lousy spouse is making time with?
The client is paying for information and it is OK to give it to them. The problem comes when the client is so upset with the information that you give them that they confront their spouse thinking they can change their behavior. DO NOT DO THIS! It just causes them to be more secretive. Do not let them know what information you have obtained. Save it for your attorney!

What was your funniest lousy spouse cases? Do tell!
In most domestic cases you only have to prove 'opportunity' i.e. being behind closed doors for more than an hour with no one else in the house or room, AND intent, i.e. the lousy spouse is seen hugging or kissing on several occasions.

On this case, we followed the lousy spouse from a late night romantic dinner, back to a community with townhomes. We saw them kissing and hugging, go into the townhome, turn on the lights...turn off the lights... A little while later, the sliding door on the second floor bedroom opened, he came out—in the buff—relieved himself, and called her to come out with him for a cigarette! YUCK!

Thank you Sherlocks! This is great information. 

Please Note: The information provided herein is a guide only. Our readers and members should seek professional help from counselors, financial experts and attorneys as needed.