The Final Documents

What you will end up with at the end of this process is a Permanent Settlement Agreement, with different names in different states. It outlines all the rules of your new relationship with your spouse. A Parenting Plan will also be a part of this document if you have kids. that will detail the custody schedule and rules. Click here to see an example of a PSA and Parenting Plan. Note that even after everything seemed to be worked out, there were additional notes made to correct or clarify the terms.

The titles and formats of this document will be different in every county and state, but they are all the same - this is his, this is hers. You can specify other things, like who takes what deductions from your tax bills, who is responsible for what bills and debts, and how long Lousy has to get their crap out of your house.

The hardest thing to negotiate is the terms of sharing the children. It is a sickening feeling to split up your child's days like a stack of coins. Even when you think you have all the details nailed down, there are still opportunities for minor revisions until you finally sign. Jane had to struggle for small adjustments - like allowing each parent a couple of hours on the child's birthday. She may have been generous enough to offer, but Lousy was not bound to be until this went in the final document - and she knows better.

Permanent Settlement Agreement (PSA) Tips

Here are some issues to think about when you get to the point where you are working on your PSA. These are only some tips, and things to think about – again we have no perfect answers, but we have made plenty of mistakes. Let’s all try to learn from them. We welcome our lawyer friends to post to the forum, and add some insight.

• If you and Lousy are on the deed to your house or other jointly owned property together, what happens if one of you dies and the other is remarried? Could you possibly own your family home with Lousy’s new wife?

• Make sure your wills are updated to reflect your new change in marital circumstance. You would not want your estate any more tangled up than it will already be – thanks to Lousy – in the event of an untimely death.
• Check the dates that your support payments are due, and synchronize this with the date that your bills are due. It is a huge inconvenience if the support arrives at odd dates, because you are constantly juggling.
• PSA enforcement. Keep a copy handy so that you can refer to it in the event of a breakdown of communication. You can always say, “Lousy, see page 5, paragraphs b and c, and comply.” This document will be enforceable by the police in the unfortunate situation that you should need to resort to that. Try to be familiar with the document, and it is best, while the divorce is fresh, to try to stick with this agreement. 
• We are also learning about a Post-Divorce Decree to adjust all the things that aren't working after the final decree is signed....we will report more details as we learn them... if you have details on this, please share with your fellow Lousy Spouse survivors!

Remember that this is not only an agreement between you, but it is filed with the Court and enforceable by law. You do not get to pick and choose which paragraphs you adhere to, and those you don't want to bother with.

Non-conformance to the final agreement is called Contempt of Court and is something that is prosecutable. Don't play games or you'll end up pissing off the judge. For example: my lawyer had a case where the Lousy ex was required by the PSA to provide health insurance for the kids, but it didn't say he had to give the insurance cards to their custodial parent so she could use them... Yeah, the judge slapped him around for that one.

Tips on the Parenting Plan

Okay, we live and learn... You may think that you've thought of everything, but we can promise you that you haven't. This is one area that you really must take your time in and try to think of every possible scenario. You cannot dictate the behavior of your Lousy, especially where you are anticipating reason and cooperation to come into play.

The younger the child(ren), the more specific you need to be. My recent misstep came when I learned that our Plan called for each of us to get the entire weekend of Mother's Day and Father's Day, respectively. It's so unncessary, especially for a Hallmark holiday, and it throws off the rhythm of the alternating weekend schedule. It was a stupid mistake that somehow evolved from reasonable one day visitations to entire weekends somewhere during the course of writing the agreement over and over during the five months Lousy dragged out the divorce.

Another thing to discuss and nail down is a hierarchy of visitation. If Mom's birthday falls on a Father's Day - who gets the day? If Dad claims a week of vacation that includes Mom's Fourth of July - who prevails? NEVER expect these things to work themselves out if your Lousy is at all stubborn, arrogant or just plain mean. Cover possible unforseen conflicts such as death in the family, milestone birthdays (Great grandma's 90th), etc. If a parent wins a trip for four to a special event, is the other going to dig in the heels and say no, because it's their weekend? You better count on it.

Unfortunately it is foolish to expect your cooperative and level headed nature to set a good example - it just paints a bullseye on you, so watch your back. Besides, expecting better and having faith in Lousy got you here in the first place. Am I right?

Please Note: The information provided herein is a guide only. Our readers and members should seek professional help from counselors, financial experts and attorneys as needed.