Today I wait for final divorce documents that we have alledgedly agreed upon. Today I presented forms to detach my business from his. Today he said he would not sign anything unless I signed a one year lease to remain in an office suite with him...Really? Why if you have destroyed our lives to get away from me would you want to lock me into staying here. I cry every day I have to come here to this office. When I bought another house he tried to get in the way of me moving. When I packed boxes, he yelled at me some more. Why if this is what you want do you must also stand in my way - why can't they just let go - get out of the way. You all know by now that I have been working through a lot. My lousy has made every step of moving on painful. He trys to portray himself as the victim. As he ties the noose around my neck I am supposed to be sympathetic. Today is a painful day. One of many I have endured. This year will be over soon.

Sounds like a manipulative control freak...trying to keep you down and under his watch. That is what they all do it seems...they create these situations, and then make life difficult for those they screw over the most. Don't you just want to shake their shoulders and say "There Lousy, are you happy now? You got what you wanted? Why are you a bigger jerk than before if you are so 'happy'?"
Hang in there Yvonne....a new year will be here soon.....

Yvonne, I remember getting the final divorce papers - just this month. It is a sad day even though you don't want the relationship anymore, it's something so difficult to go through. It's not really the relationship you don't want - it's the person he's become you don't want. My ex has become nastier to deal with and, you're right, it seems to be all our fault and they're the victims here. Pretty crappy deal if you ask me! Mine sent texts to everyone telling them he's sorry and didn't mean to hurt me or anyone (poor guy) and telling how great his life is now that he's moved to another state. I still can't believe he apologized to everyone but me!! I'm the one he crushed! We will all do much better without them! I know it's harder for those with little ones but it's still got to be better even for them. This new year will truly be a better year for us all. Happy 2010!

Hi. I just filed in January, but my STBX has acted like this since HE asked for a divorce back in May of 2009.

Now, of course, he didn't actually LEAVE, he only said "I don't love you; I never did. I only married you because your mom was dying. I never wanted kids..." (did I mention we have a 7 1/2 year old and a 3 1/2 year old?) But, I MADE him marry me, and I MADE him have kids...everything that he NEVER wanted, I FORCED him into.

This went on for MONTHS (I even gave him chances to recant, to which he'd keep saying, "I'm sorry if it hurts you, but it's how I feel." It was a volatile summer, and it oozed into an angry fall and winter. Lots of yelling at me (paired nicely with ignoring me). Even coming home at 3:30 am without calling seemed to be acceptable on his plate.

The last straw was the last morning that I've ever been yelled at to wake up...it was over me going back to school (which he didn't "approve of" or say that I "could."). After I picked my jaw up off the floor, looking at this 'man' telling me that, as an almost 40 year old woman, I COULDN'T got to school, he proceeded to tell me that, since he didn't approve of it, he'd take money from the kids' college account to pay for the tuition I'd charged (oh, did I mention he wouldn't help pay for it, and I had no money because he'd shut off "his" paycheck back in May???)

Lovely parting gifts for 15 years of marriage, don't you think?

Best part is how he vows to fight for custody (although he travels 90-95% of the time) and how he'll take care of the kids, but he'll be "damned" if I get one cent of spousal support (I'm not sure how a 10 year break from working to raise kids qualifies me for a 6-figure income, but who am I???)

Good luck, ladies.

Oh, MS, you have the slow form of cancer. Mine was a quick death - a sudden death. I guess if it is going to happen that is at least the way to go. The fallout after is no less painful but up until the day he told me we were done he was successfully portraying himself as a supportive and loving husband...with the usual flaws...Which makes it all much darker and more sinister to know that he can pretend to such a great degree. Normal and sane, rational people dont do that. Keep moving forward - don't look back. Sounds like you will be way better off. Your children are close to the ages of mine - I am so sorry for them having to be put through it all. I mourn the life my children will never have. Good luck!

Thanks, Yvonne. We had our settlement hearing today. It lasted 3 hours; 20 minutes was about everything (including the kids - which lasted 5 minutes without his input). The last 2 hours, 40 minutes was about him trying to argue $100-200 per month in spousal support (he makes 6 figures).

Yes, it was a nice life (except for the part that involved him), now here I am, with a fraction of what I had, except for my healthy, happy kids...and wondering how I can afford to do this (and knowing that I could never afford to go back).

You are right about mourning what my children will never have; however, I think of what they don't HAVE to put up with now either...so...

Good luck to you too.