Today was our final hearing...the EX was caving left and right instead of facing the judge and having to talk about what he's done (although the judge needed the rule about "no children co-sleeping with companions and step-parents" read twice - I don't think that "your honor" could believe what was being said...)

It was an amazing thing to watch (and participate in - 4 hours wheeling and dealing face to face in a small room so that we could control our own fate, not be at the whims of the judge). It was beautiful, and EX was so focused on "his" money that he gave away so much...I ended up with so much more than I could ever hoped. I only had to compromise one thing, and we only tried to fight it to see if we could get better than what we expected.

Pure beauty. I feel a bit bad for him, since I don't think he realized just how much he lost until we were reading our agreements to the judge; his face just kept falling more and more...).

However, I am in good shape, can afford to get my insurance and to take care of my kids while I look for a job and finish school. Pressure is off, and life is good.

My wish is for all of you to have the same peace in the end. I realize that there is a lot of "heart" work to do now, a lot of healing for both me and my children, but we will get there..

That is just sweet karmic and actual justice. Thank you for sharing. It helps to believe that you do have some power to be able to look out for and protect your children. That doesn't mean he will follow it but now you have groundwork layed. Well done in fighting this battle.

I start therapy monday...while i will never forgive the lousy it is entirely unfair that I remain angry. Hoping for way to just burn that bit of emotion out of my head so I can be happy. I refuse to allow my life to be lived in a bitter state. I deserve more. I didn't do anything wrong.

Take Care and again Kudos - should give everyone hope!

Well, after 15 months of seperation,probably 30 boxes of kleenex and I've lost count of endless hrs on the phone with my support sysytem, it is over! I filed papers for divorce in mid April and on Frday, Sept 3,my lawyer and his hammered out the agreement. I will be able to re-fi and keep my house. I got indefinate alimony , without any cohabitation clauses. I got 98% of the stuff in the house. He got the girlfriend of the moment and avoided being deposed, because he has so much to hide and too many lies to remember . I know i I got better end of the bargain.

I will say this.. i did ALL my homework.. hrs of financial stuff for a woman who didn't "speak math "( I do now), gathering all the bank, and credit card statements I could find from disorganized boxes in the basement

I listened to my lawyers. No second guessing them, no thinking I knew how to do it better, no arguing. I asked tons of questions , took notes and spoke to trusted friends who walked the walk before me.

Now, my fiinancial future looks fairly bright. I can rest a bit easier now. Am I happy? No, not really, yet. I am relieved though. I would have traded it all for a husband who didn't think it was Ok to cheat on me for 10 years and acted like he was happy. I would have traded it all for someone who valued and respected me . I would have traded it all for a spouse who was trustworthy and not a fraud.

Afterwards, a family member said "wow you got a lot"! I was thinking" I got what I deserved," and so did he. He and his cheating girlfriend can have many fun filed years baby-sitting each other.

So, if you are still n the nightmare of divorce, hang on. Listen to the experts. Don't be lazy. It is YOUR future. Be pro-active. It was incredibly hard for me, but I had too much at stake to not doit.

This past weekend, I have told a few friends my STBX "did the right thing". That is the bottom line. The part I omit is " he had no choice, my attorneys had his b@##* in a vice. my "lousy" was terrified.

I hope sharing my experience helps anyone reading this who is buried in the sea of paperwork and crumpled kleenex. I cannot promise you the same result, but I felt like I was working towards helping my case and securing my future. I could not live with myself if I had done a 'half-baked" job. For me, slow and staedy did win the race. For that, I am extremely grateful.

Amen and CONGRATULATIONS!!! I've gone through pretty much the same thing - finalized in April, 2010. It WILL get better and easier to go forward. I'm sure it's a relief in a way but I truly understand the part of trading it all for the honest, trustworthy, loving husband you thought you had! I still struggle with that but I'm pretty much over it now. I've even gotten to the point of trying to forgive him - mostly for my healing, not his! He doesn't know that and I will always feel some anger for how this all went down but I know I have to be forgiving for my heart to be lighter and free to love again! I pray you get to that point too. All the best - on to better things.........

Thanks for the positive words! I too am working on some level of "forgiveness" towards him. He threw our marriage away years ago without telling me or showing it.

I see his continued lying to our children and I am guessing he is not 100% honest with her, since he is clearly incapable of being honest with anyone, himself included.

He has simply transplanted himself 45 minutes away and has duplicated many aspects of our life together with her and her children.He has simply replaced our children with hers. Similar vacations, , similar shows, similar gifts, etc. the "Disney Dad" is now a Disney "almost" dad to her younger kids. Frightening, actually.

Nevertheless, I am inching forward. I am glad that the alimony and property worked in my favor, of course, but I never wanted to be in this situation to begin with. I guess my lawyers helped me make gourmet lemonade from the lemons he served.
I too am working on moving on. .

Thanks for sharing your story. IT is inspiring. We all need to fight back when they emotionally beat us up.