New Rules
Saturday, May 22, 2010 at 02:33PM Dear Jane,
My divorce from Lousy is almost final. I am starting to feel settled, but to be honest, I just miss having a best friend. I am on my own with my children, and am just missing having someone to do stuff with and to talk to.
I have this friend that I have known for a while, and he has told me that he will be divorced by the end of the summer and that his wife (she lives in an apartment) is crazy, and is not allowed to be with his kids on her own. He told me she is a nut job blah blah blah. He is totally making the moves on me. The other part is, that I have seen his wife around - and she is adorable - sweet, pretty, and to me looks like a great mom. What should I do? Am I just getting sweet talked? I don't want to be the other woman. - Holly Go Lightly
Dear Holly -
You say a lot in those two short paragraphs, and you won't like all of my response. First, you're still married, even if your divorce is "almost final". So the same goes for your friend... he's married. Separation is a phase of marriage - still married. Calling his ex-wife "crazy" is dismissive, which can be a little lousy. The fact that he is making the moves on you, while dismissing his ex as "the one with the problem" sends up a big red flag to me. Does it not to you?
Don't let loneliness cancel out common sense. You start fooling around with a married man, then you are the other woman. That will make him lousy and you'll be just as lousy. If you're lonely, then find new outlets to meet people. We offer suggestions in the Moving On section... find something that works for you and your family that you can be proud of.
Hitching your cart to a rebound lousy will just get you a ride around the barn, and back where you started. Sorry, that sounded a little Dr. Phil... but you get it, right? Good luck. - Jane
divorce,
the other woman 
